Le Tiss and La Keen - an ungodly alliance

Back in the 1990s I was a big fan of the Southampton footballing legend Matt Le Tissier. Like many people I could never understand how a man with his sublime talent could have been repeatedly overlooked by a succession of England managers, particularly when the Brazil manager at the time let it be known that Le Tiss ("Le God" to many Saints fans) would have been the first name on his team sheet had he been Brazilian.

So I nearly choked on my paella this morning when I read in the News Of The World (Iberian edition) that the supremely gifted Channel Islander would be teaming up with the idle timeserver Ann Keen, alleged Member of Parliament for Brentford & Isleworth, in a national campaign to remind hospital patients and visitors to wash their hands.

The campaign was devised by businessman Ashley Brooks after he nearly died from the "superbug" MRSA.

Let me not be churlish about this – it is a splendid initiative and I wish Le Tiss and La Keen every success with it.

But that does not disqualify me from privately hoping that the voters of our constituency will be washing their hands of their own nasty bug sometime very soon.